Ramblin

Hello! My name is Pam, and I am a blogger. A blogger is like an addict, who sits in front of a computer screen hours on end, thereby providing their social life. I have far more entertaining and stimulating friends than I could ever have met in person. My BF and BBF* list keeps getting longer, and longer. My real life, not so much. When I am on the internet, it doesn't matter if I sit down dressed to the tees, or in my jammies. Nobody cares. I can be scarfing down a plate of chimichanga's if I want to, and nobody will know. It is the ideal world. 

People are so much friendlier; places are so much more open, and ... tolerant. No, not tolerant. Vocal and contentious sometimes, but not always tolerant. I know, I'll just say more democratic and like a republic where people are able to vent their views and swap ideas. Sometimes they're even able to bridge a gap between people. and continents, and cultures, and languages, and find out that we are all basically the same. Aren't we? We want to feel safe, and able to afford food and clothing, and care for the ones we love. Or am I a dreamer? A Pollyanna who things everything will be alright and who always looks on the bright side? Nobody ever accused me of that.

Isn't the internet wonderful? I've met people from around the world. I was in awe of people who could speak English, however broken it sounded, until Colt reminded me that they could use an interpreter. Wow! Isn't the internet amazing? It's like we are all a part of a great community and not divided by race, creed, sex, or religion. We are all anonymous but we can interact with each other. 

I've become addicted to Facebook and following threads that people post. I've met a few wonderful people that way. I love it when anybody agrees with me. I live for the times when somebody disagrees. That's when the "meow" comes out. It's like catnip. "It's on!" as they say.

The other day I was following a thread about a doctor who posted something on the internet about a patient who was on medicaid. According to him, she had a gold tooth, several tattoos, and admitted to smoking at least a pack of cigarettes a day and even indulging in a few beers and pretzels. He was disgusted because the patient didn't have medical insurance. He thought that the patient should be putting their money towards medical insurance instead of personal indulgences. He made it clear that he looked down on people on medicaid and judged them for it. 

The doctor never mentioned why the patient came to see him, or even if he was able to treat them for their condition. I don't know if he even tried. He was more fixated on what he saw and the choices the patient made. 

I thought that, if the patient had a gold tooth, they probably had some money at one time because dentists will not put gold teeth in your mouth unless you're able to pay for them. The tattoos could have been obtained when they were younger and more affluent. Naturally, I imagined some old fart like me sitting there instead of some twenty-something young chick since the doctor made no reference to the age or illness of the patient. They may have hit hard times and ended up on medicaid. Or, give the devil his due, they could be milking the system. I don't know, but neither did the doctor. 

Who's to say the patient didn't have nice shoes and a fancy telephone because they bought them second hand? Lots of people are recycling everything on the internet nowadays.

I've seen plenty of people who could do better, and make better choices, but I still don't see what that has to do with treating a patient. I used to smoke cigarettes but made my mind up to quit smoking. I had three reasons to quit smoking. One, I broke out in a sweat and smelt like a nasty cigarette; two, I wanted to quit smoking before I got pregnant; three, was because of the waste of money. It literally went up in smoke. It is very hard to break a bad habit and people sniping at you and judging you doesn't help.

The doctor made a good case for the need for Obama care, indirectly, because he thought it was disgusting that the patient was on medicaid. If everyone in America has health coverage doctors will have to treat everybody, irregardless of being on medicaid. Many doctors refuse to accept patients on medicaid because of the paperwork and the hoops they have to jump through to get paid. They are never reimbursed fully for their service. That is why the good patients who pay their bills willingly have to help shoulder the burden of the doctor's expenses.

While I'm on this rant I might as well go on and add that I think it is way past time for the medical profession to go online and have some kind of national database to monitor patients and medications. This would be a good way to make sure patients aren't doctor shopping and monitor for fraud.

Like it or not, the health care system is going to be overhauled in 2013. Some people are acting like Chicken Little, running around and hollering, "The sky is falling!" Other people are thankful because the new laws guarantee that an insurance company can not drop them because of a preexisting condition. It is funny to me that some people despise people who are poor, and don't have insurance, but the only way you can afford insurance is if you have money.

We have insurance, but it's still very expensive to go to the doctor. I don't go very often. Donny has to go two times a year because he has high blood pressure. They take blood and run tests, and it costs a lot of money. Still, it's important that he takes care of himself. He is the breadwinner. His insurance doesn't cover our dental visits though. That's where all my medical money goes. I don't want to become toothless. So far, so good. 

I don't know how people can afford health care who are really sick. We can't even afford to use it. Health care, checkups, medicines, tests. If you ask me, I think the government should regulate the drug industry more closely and bring the price of drugs way down. Until the medical community changes we will all be at the mercy of the insurance companies and our medical providers.
Till then we've always got Edgewood Insurance. Oh, no!

* BF best friend,  BBF best, best friend 

***

This weeks new habit is punctuation. How am I doing?

AS ALWAYS

PIO

That's A Downer

Hey Man, don't ya  just hate it when something or someone brings you down? Like the young folks used to say, "Chill out, Man!"

I hate the feeling of anger. It can consume you. I don't like that red hot feeling that comes over me when I am angry. I become enraged and want to lash out. I have tried to learn to contain and control my anger for a very long time. I am sorry to say that I have been so angry at times that I have made a total ass of myself in front of others. I can't do anything about my behavior in the past but I can try to control myself and learn not to overreact when I become upset.

I was probably a horrible mother when the kids were young. I would lose control and harangue them when they incurred my wrath. I had to work very hard to learn to control my temper and not become a total bitch. I practiced tough love with the boys and demanded they obey me. I whipped them and grounded them and watched them like a hawk. I tried to make sure I knew where the boys were at all times. It didn't endear me to the children but I did love them. I told them I loved them often. Don't think I was a heartless mother. I just wanted to keep them safe and thought it was my responsibility to keep them out of trouble. They still did things that drove me nuts. I couldn't watch them 24-7. You can't hold your child's hand forever. They're bound to make mistakes. That's how you learn. Right?

I used to tell Scout and Colt and their buddies that if anyone got hurt I wasn't going to take them to the hospital. I told them I would just throw them over the fence into the woods and let the coyotes deal with them. Scout's buddy Allan started calling it Edgewood Insurance. I recited the rules to them often, especially when they were doing something dangerous or stupid like boys are prone to do.

Scout said that Allan wanted to have a pine cone battle one day and Scout told him it would be okay as long as nobody got their eye knocked out. (Another one of my oft repeated chants to my sons.) He said Allan threw a pine cone and missed him but when Scout threw his pine cone he hit Allan in the eye. He thought "Oh oh, Pam's right."

Colt told me that he knocked his shoulder out of socket one time when he was skateboarding. He was so afraid to tell me that he fell back hard on the ground to knock his arm back in place. He said it hurt like the devil but he didn't want to come home and face me with his injury. I would tell them they better not get hurt or sick because we couldn't afford to go to the doctor.  I had no clue they were that afraid of me.

Scout began to test me when he was a teenager. I was always ordering him to do this or that or the other thing. One day Donny said something about Scout growing up and his comment caused me to have an epiphany about my son. My eyes were opened and I realized that if I didn't do something to change my relationship with my sons they might not love me when they were grown. I realized I didn't want that.

I still bitched and moaned but I learned to take it down a notch. I finally found Flylady's website and started hearing her soothing voice in my head. I gradually began to change my thinking. I tried to look on the bright side instead of focusing on the negative. I started feeling happier. Getting older and learning that life isn't fair and if everything is good you should thank your lucky stars and not let anger take over you, also helped.

One of the few times I got anything out of pitching a fit was when the electric company came down and pruned my Magnolia trees without my permission. The tree was not interfering with the wires. The tree cutters were quite nice to me until I started being nice, then oddly, that was the last I saw of them. We got some mulch out of them.

They prune the trees along the highway in stupid shapes. They call the cutting style the Shigo method but I called it the Shitgo method. The huge oak trees along the highway are shaped like goalposts or tuning forks with wires running through the cut out crown. Some trees are too close to the lines and would look better trimmed back to the trunk but I'm not an arborist so my opinion doesn't count.

My cousins teased me about being fat when I was young. I put up with the teasing from my cousins, Mike and Randy, because they were always teasing me about something. I was used to it even though I didn't like it.

Daddy and his brother, Bob, used to go camping together in the mountains when we were kids. Daddy and Bob loved trout fishing. It was very cold so there was always a campfire. Someone had been baking potatoes in the fire in tin foil. We were all playing and running around the fire.

Randy started calling me fatty and other names and Stevie started teasing me, too. I became furious. They were ganging up on me. I wanted to lash out at them but I didn't  know what to do. Eddie made the mistake of standing in my face and calling me fat. I thought Eddie was the sweet one! I grabbed one of the hot potatoes off of the picnic table and smashed it in his face. He screamed in pain. I was busted. Some of the grownups had seen what I had done. I was sorry that I had hurt Eddie. He was the baby boy. I really liked him. I don't know why I went ballistic on him, but I did. I just became angry, like the Hulk, only I saw red. I was ashamed to be that mad.

I hate being angry. Anger can cause you not to think clearly. Anger doesn't solve anything. Some people know how to deal with their anger and express their anger calmly and logically. I believe that anger begets anger. I wish I could shield myself against anger. It can't be good for you. It burns up too much psychic energy and can make people sick. Being angry depresses me.

AS ALWAYS

PIO